Comedian Krystyna Hutchinson of Guys We F*cked & Her Favorite NYC Restaurants
Krystyna Hutchinson
Podcast: Guys We Fucked: The Anti Slut-Shaming Podcast
Author : F*cked: Being Sexually Explorative and Self-Confident in a World That's Screwed
Social: @KrystynaHutch
Astrological Sign: Pisces
Hometown: Chesapeake, VA & Philly, PA
City: New York City
Fav Foods: Popcorn, Mini Ben & Jerry's ice cream containers in "Double Fudge Brownie", Roasted Brussel Sprouts & Sun Chokes
Current Book: "You Are a Badass" by Jen Sincero
Preferred Way to Eat Pizza: Flat and with RANCH!!!
Quote: "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds" - Einstein
“It feels nice and earned to be recognized. I earned it and people are so nice. They’re not assholes. I like it. Cause it means someone is connecting with you and I like connecting with people.” - Krystyna
I meet up with Krystyna as she's coming back into town from a weekend on the road, she's in a mixed sort of mood. As we walk towards her garage, Krystyna quickly shifts gears as she notices a guy walking up the street carrying a beautiful bouquet of flowers. "I love going up to guys in the street carrying flowers and being like… ‘Oh My God thank u for those..... they're for me???’...I do this while I'm by myself.” - we both start laughing as she flashes me the keys to her rental car - “I was feeling sad so I got myself a Cadillac."
"Are you sure you want to do this today?" I ask... She looks at me reassuring the both of us..
“Yeah we are gonna do it. We are gonna order food, I’ll just be sad and you can take photos of it”.
And that's exactly what we do -order food from one of her favorite spots “Rubys”, listen to sad music, talk about our favorite places to get lost in New York City and where to have the best cries. Are you even a New Yorker if you don't have three preferred places for crying?? We proceed to eat the most bangin' sweet potato fries I've ever had (seriously, what are you doing Ruby’s!?!) and then we both sit in silence dipping fries into sweet chili sauce. While crying on her floor.
A little background:
Krystyna came to NYC as a transfer student with the hopes of scoring an SNL internship and that's exactly what she did. She made her way in the New York City Comedy Scene and eventually found her comedy partner Corinne Fisher. Together the two ran shows, started the wildly successful podcast "Guys We Fucked", wrote a book, and continue to give us (including myself) some great sex & relationship advice.
I've been friends with Krystyna for almost 10 years. We were fortunate enough meet in New York and I have not only been able to celebrate and appreciate her success these last few years but have gotten to shoot images for the podcast & the "F*CKED" book cover. Our lives really overlap through the comedy scene, dance parties (we can't get enough), celebrating Beyonce’s birthday (we do it every year at Brooklyn Bowl) and constantly testing the limits of lactose intolerance. Funny thing...we have never shared a proper meal together. There’s been Diner hangs, craft services, take in, take out..but no formal meal. So I wanted to know more about how she experiences New York City, where she goes for a little self-care, and of course a good breakfast sandwich.
Krystyna Hutchinson’s New York City
New York Comedy Club: the green room. If I'm having a shitty day I can air it out in there. That green room is so damn good, it’s the first green room where I felt like I belonged.
The Olive Tree Cafe: above The Comedy Cellar: I started going there before I started comedy. It's one of my favorite places in the world and has been since I moved to New York City. I used to sit there and think ‘I'm gonna work with these people one day.’
What to order: The Hummus Plate
Sunshine Laundromat: in Green Point. It's a speak-easy, pinball bar that’s disguised as a laundromat. The guy who owns it is fascinating. There's a vending machine with Cheetos, Plan B, and Bacon. ‘Like u can buy plan B at the Laundromat!?!?’ The sense of humor is everywhere. The flusher in the bathroom is a pinball pin on the wall and it flushes the toilet. It's open till 4 am and they have Delirium Tremens, which is one of my fav beers because it gets the job done.
Ruby’s: Their menu is unique. Overall, the place has put a lot of attention into details. The interior design is simple and I appreciate the menu design, I appreciate their lighting and it's very rare as a nonfoodie to notice these things and it's like damn u did something right.
What to order: The Sweet Potato Fries & Sweet Chili Sauce
Washington Square Mother Fucking Park: (it's the actual name if you weren't aware). It’s one of the most magical places – at any given time its just filled with life, especially when it first starts to get warm. There's’ nothing like it in the Spring - there are jugglers, a fucking piano in the middle of the park with a guy playing it, there's people dancing… there are very talented artists from all different ilk. You can buy weed there, walk a dog, play checkers... I love it. It’s one of the few places I love to just sit and be and watch the city happen.
Madison Square Park: OK, my second park. Working my day job after college for 4-5 years would have me walk near there every day. Like there were some days I couldn’t even afford a subway ride so during the winter when it was so cold I would just love walking through that park. It’s very beautiful and they have a lot of rotating art installations and seeing those over the years has been great. I've seen Broad City filmed there. I've filmed a television pilot in this park, been on people’s pilots and been in projects on purpose and accidentally. I would always walk by and see these people on a bench just sitting, like when people should be at work and they'd be there reading a book and they didn’t have a job or their job didn’t have normal hours. And I used to think, that’s going to be me one day. That’s who I want to be. I want to be here when no one is here.
NYC Ferry – I take it to go to LIC to visit my friend. Now I take it downtown, it’s the same amount as a subway ride. People should be taking advantage of the Ferry and the beautiful view you get with it. To pay $2.75 to get a boat ride through Manhattan …you lucky duck. I used to take the Staten Island ferry cause it was free and it was like a day trip. I love the ferry, every time I get on the ferry, I'm like damn... I get to be on a boat in NYC, this is amazing!!
Fat Black Pussy Cat: I’ve had so many nights there and will continue to have so many good nights there. I barf my emotions into that room. I went there the other night and sat in my little corner and had a drink and just cried.
30 Rock: where SNL is filmed. I’ve had so many crazy memories and times there. It's why I moved to the city, where I interned. That building has been my holy grail for most of my adult life..to be able to go in it..when I feel lonely or scared or don’t know what to do...I sit in front of it and pray to it cause it's like my church.
Tudor City: it’s like a movie set, you feel like you're in London and it’s a nice little quick escape from the city and a good place to walk around in.
Veselka: It’s just the shit. The perogies…Ahhh, Veselka makes me feel at home.
Telegraph Café: owned by French people, the best spicy vanilla chai I've ever had in my life. I'm so lactose intolerant but I'll post mate that shit so I can have it. I love breakfast sandwiches and they have a breakfast sandwich that’s so good. Their croissants…UGHH MY GAWD.. it's a pretzel croissant that they make there. Its perfectly made that croissant…I get eggs, swiss, cheese, and avocado and turkey bacon.
Zinc Bar – I run a show there called Glamour Puss – going on 3-4 years there. I love that bar, it's so old school NYC, it smells old. Nina Simone used to sing there. It’s owned by this guy and his mother …I love it there, so many ups and downs of my life happened in that bar. For the majority of shows I've run there, Wendy (my cohost) and I have been PMSing for them, like super hard PMSing... at the same time, no less. And we just laugh about how crazy we are being. The first time I spoke about my breakup was on stage there. Some of my close friends knew about it, but no one really knew, it was the first show that my ex wasn’t at. Even Wendy was crying that he wasn’t there. I had an amazing set that night, talking about how I just broke up with my boyfriend and the entire audience were “Guys We Fucked Fans” and they were hearing about the breakup for the first time, and they were falling over in their seats and balling. The whole audience was crying…. I remember saying ‘I just can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't breathe, I can't blink, and it's so weird…… because I've lost so much weight... and I look so good…"‘ and I just stayed in that moment and then the whole audience just started dying laughing.
The Dag Hammarskjold Meditation Room in the United Nations : A lot of people probably don’t know about this place. I haven’t been there in a really long time, but I used to go there all the time when I first moved here. It's free. There is like airport-style security to get into the U.N., but there are exhibits there that are free. If you walk in after security there’s a photography exhibit (usually U.N. work & documentary photos), if you make a hard right there’s this glass church window and there’s a door and right there is the meditation room. There are two benches in there with a giant stone that’s backlit, and the room is a triangle shape, very zen.
Momofuku Milk Bar: I'm on the bandwagon. I order ice-cream delivery from them. A LOT. Their cereal milk is just the best...like c'mon.
